Moustache Constitution

  • Post by  Jacob Smith Aug 13, 2015


Moustache Constitution:



Life, Liberty & The Pursuit Of Whiskers



Many great men, and some not even so particularly great, have grown some adornment of facial whiskers in their lifetimes. What makes the lifelong pursuit of moustache, beard or any other arrangement of whiskers so profoundly important to an individual man’s identity is how no other man can grow the precise and unique hairs that grow from your own face. The expression to each his own applies not only to differences of opinion, but, very much so, to differences of facial hair constitution, as well. So, in efforts of further emphasizing the tremendous importance of such distinguishing characteristics as moustaches and beards, we turn to some of the greatest minds that our country has ever known, our Founding Fathers…


James Madison – The Federalist Papers, Federalist No. 41 (Jan. 19, 1788)

“Every man who loves peace, every man who loves his country, every man who loves liberty ought to have a moustache ever beneath his nose that he may cherish in his heart a due attachment to the Whiskers of his Face and be able to set a due value on the means of preserving them.”


Alexander Hamilton – The Federalist Papers, Federalist No. 65 (Mar. 7, 1788)

“If mankind were to resolve to agree in no form of facial hair, until every part of it had been adjusted to the most exact standard of perfection, society would soon become a general scene of anarchy, and the faces of men a desert.”


John Adams – Letter to Abigail Adams (July 17, 1775)

“But a Constitution of Whiskers once changed from Freedom, can never be restored. Moustache, once lost, is lost forever.”


Benjamin Franklin – The Busy-body, No. 3 (Feb. 18, 1728)

“I pronounce it as certain that there was never yet a truly great man that was not at the same time truly moustached.”


Thomas Jefferson – Letter to Francis C. Gray (1815) 

“Although an adornment of facial hair is slow to move, yet when once in motion, its momentum becomes irresistible.”


Thomas Paine – The American Crisis, No. 4 (Sept. 11, 1777) 

“Those who expect to reap the blessings of whiskers, must, like men, undergo the fatigues of supporting them.”


George Washington – Letter to Marquis de Lafayette (July 25, 1785)

Shaving Men must always feel before they can see: it is this that makes their Whiskers slow, but the moustache will be right at last.”


As you can very well see, the Founding Fathers had much to say on the subject of facial hair, and much eloquence to put behind their words. So, you can now rest easily knowing that it matters not whether you grow an indivisible moustache or one separated by philtrum. Nor should it concern you that your beard differs from that of your neighbor, for it is the very diversity of this great land, and all of its many beards and moustaches, that brings us closer together, and allows us to share solace in our similarities and our differences alike.



- Jacob Smith